Wicked Crispy

The Infamous “Loop-de-poop” incident

It’s so easy for people to dismiss Wicked Crispy as nothing more than a pee and poop joke story, and while it does have that kind of humor it didn’t start off that way at all. The original script was a straight up drama to be honest which is why I served those fancy sausages on sticks the day production kicked off. I wrapped each one in a delicate strip of lightly cooked bacon along with a few fingernails due to my onychomadesis. In fact, the Skinlicker character and his wife’s crumbling marriage was supposed to be the main storyline but that all changed in one afternoon. One terrible, awful afternoon last May.

I’ll never forget it, ever! It was “Gravy Day” (which is a day where all the food is soaked in rich country gravy. People love it!), and they had old William, the actor who plays Skinlicker all hooked up to this stunt cable contraption so that when C. G.  called action, he would be yanked into the air. The trouble was that William just couldn’t hit his marks. He just wasn’t prepared enough, not unlike “Gravy Day” and he absolutely refused to let a stunt double step in so they just kept on calling action, and yanking the poor bastard into the air and slamming him into this hard foam wall over and over. I think it was like thirty-seven times! It was crazy.

Finally his body just gave out like an apple bruised from rolling off the serving table one too many times. He’d been complaining for the last five or six takes that his stomach was hurting  and in knots but they just pushed on because it was getting late, I guess, plus William is a straight up dick. Then it happened… Terry, the guy playing Tail Slappy Man, whips his giant prosthetic tail around and hits William hard in the stomach just as the cables yanked him into the air and he just exploded like a chili-filled piñata all over everyone. If you ask me, it was mostly due to William’s love for my famously undercooked hot gravy all morning like it was going out of style. I told him I had plenty but he just stared daggers at me. It was awful! No kidding, people were in tears on the set from the stench alone! There was feces everywhere and not the good kind. It wasn’t like the movie magic poo that was in the final cut either, this stuff was like some kind of ropey, soup with dumpling substance. It was somehow hot and cold at the same time! It was in peoples hair, on and in their costumes, all over the cameras and cameramen, just everywhere! God, it was just horrendous. William just sat there like a sad island in the middle of a chunky pool of his own filth, I think he was in shock.

The dude who played, But-Lor, I can’t remember his name, that guy quit! Right there! He had shot a handful of other scenes, one of them a dance number and that all had to be cut.  There were production staff that I know never came back to the set after that. It pretty much ruined Williams career, I think.

It wasn’t until they watched the dailies a few weeks later that they discovered C. G.  had actually chosen to keep the poop take! He kept it in! They added sound effects, and they reshot some of scene with reactions from the other cast members to make it seamless. William was devastated because he was locked into his contract and had to finish this production no matter what, even though the tone had shifted dramatically.

I guess if there’s a silver lining to be found it’s that had this not happened, William would not have known he had a HUGE tapeworm! It was hanging out of him like some cowboys forgotten lasso and that thing was just enormous. It took three stage hands to wrestle it out of his ass while two others held poor William down. Even after it was clear of his rectum, it took a dozen people to stomp it in to submission. It was a fighter!